Trina was in a quandary. Her 24-year-old son Justin was
begging her to pay next semester’s college tuition, and she just didn’t know
what to do. On the one hand, she was anxious for him to complete his degree and
get a full-time job, especially since he still lived rent-free with his mom and
dad. On the other hand, Justin never saved much of the money he made at his job
and already owed his parents thousands of dollars in loans he had used to pay
for a car, college, and so on. He always offered a re-payment plan, but his
resolve always dwindled after a few months.
One year earlier, Trina and her husband, worn out from
trying to get their son to be responsible, told him they would no longer lend
him any money. But this time seemed different: With only one semester to go until
graduation, Justin was desperate and even promised to take on another part-time
job. As usual, he had put off applying for financial aid until it was too late,
and the deadline for registration was the following day. Trina felt torn. Her
husband told her he would support whatever she decided.
After talking with a friend and writing in her journal, Trina
still had no clarity. She decided to go for a hike, since being out in nature
always helped clear her head. As she tied her hiking boots, she said a prayer, turning
the decision over to God and asking for a sign about which way to turn. She
felt relieved when she arrived at the trailhead, and she set off on a familiar
trail. After walking for an hour, she felt more relaxed, but still had no answer,
so she decided to take a previously untried route back toward the trail head.
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After forty-five minutes of treacherous climbs on overgrown
trails, Trina was exhausted and realized she was lost. Stopping to drink some
water, she got her bearings and headed off again, hoping to find herself back
at her car shortly. Instead, fifteen minutes later she made a startling
discovery: a full hour after embarking on this detour, she was back at the
exact same place where she had started!
Sitting down on a rock, Trina roared with laughter as it
dawned on her that she had, indeed, received her sign. “If I give Justin the
money, I’ll wind up in the exact same place I always wind up, and I’ll be more resentful
and poorer than ever.” Descending the trail, she thanked God for illuminating
her path. Later, she and her husband told Justin that they would not loan him the
money, but that they had every confidence in him being able to figure out what
to do. Then they took themselves out for a nice Italian dinner.
Turning difficult
decisions over to their Higher Power and asking for direction are powerful tools
for parents of adult children.
Wendy Boorn, M.C., L.P.C.
