Today I’d like to share a story about the small miracles
that can occur when two people have the courage to share vulnerably.
First, some background: Because he’s always lived within a
mile of me and, along with his mom, even lived with me for a time, Kevin, age 21, feels more like my son than my
grandson. From pre-school through high school, I attended his games, recitals,
competitions and concerts. I helped him through the downs of middle-school
angst and the ups of playing his French horn in the All American Marching Band
during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have done my best, with notable
lapses, to model honest and authentic communication and have always encouraged Kevin
to do the same.
Now – moving on to our recent Spring Break at the beach. We
watched gorgeous sunsets over the ocean, visited an art museum, ate fresh fish,
and went whale watching. Exhausted, I was glad to get a break, since I have
been maintaining my full-time practice while getting “I Thought I’d Be Done by Now” ready to publish.
I did follow up with Kevin about the many projects he has in
the works as he completes his senior year of college. I do know that sometimes
I let my fear about his future drift into a need for control. Though aware of
some occasional tension, I brushed it off until my precious grandson told me
that he was feeling as though he couldn’t say anything to please me, that I was
coming off as Ms. Perfect, and that he really loved the two times I had
admitted a flaw and would really like it if I would acknowledge some others.
Though it wasn’t easy to admit, I realized then that I had
been coming off as a drill sergeant, minus the cussing. I gradually became
aware that, afraid of the increased exposure accompanying my book’s
publication, I was feeling quite vulnerable, and, rather than express my
feelings, I hyper-focused on Kevin. I apologized and agreed to do better, and –
here’s the small miracle – he forgave me and the tension was gone.
The rewards are great
when we have the courage to be vulnerable in our relationships.
Though I won't be able to respond to all posts, I will read your comments and share a few entries which seem relevant to the subject matter. Thank you for sharing.
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